黃佳淳
“And who kill the sun to establish the kingdom of black night” -Antonin Artaud, To Have Done with the Judgement of God
Rhythm of the Moon Express
Leap year day
day leap year.
Peal yesterday to congregate
biological tear and artificial fear
Light cones fluctuate
a mortal folly leap.
Moon Express
Sentences forming as I perceive
sentences attempt durations
reconfigure senses alter
thoughts.
Thoughts are still too loud
try to tune it down.
Slowly moving the driver sit still
world of many worlds rushing
in the window
layers of perfume intensify
silent screen slicing a floor divides
snow democratize things in white.
There is no time at the speed of light
shadows of my body parallel
while the bodies on the horizon rise
trying too hard to rhyme
everything compromise
psychological rhythm of mine
It’s the season of heat
entropy experts coincide
is there someone coming down the stairs?
the ghost remains silent
while the Indian statues are passing by.
Moonday Despresso
(brain named itself brain)
Elastic rubber eternity band
Clock with no hand
Bubbles light bulb bread expand
Spirally loop loop
Eternity is in eternal change
Eternal change as eternity
Anxiety tremendously
Breathe breath bread depth death.
Appendix
Where do my perceptions that are not caught by sentences go? The sound echoes in the chamber and the ghost vibrates my soul. As a child I didn’t know the calmness I felt as calmness. I know it as morning, the blue sky, the rain, the rice field, my grandma’s hot breakfast with soy milk.
Yesterday was the longest day. Eternity and a day. I feel happy and content. Today we celebrate keeping time on track. I was waiting for a life I didn’t know I was already living. I was waiting for an epiphany of some kind, waiting for the ultimate answer to transcend my life. Perhaps the most radical thing I have come to realize is that I am already living that life.
I am still trying to process the significance of Linda Montano’s talk. Laugh and cry, we have to, she said. She played videos about death. Death of her mother and her lover. I whispered silently with her before she played the mother one, “forgive me mother, I forgive you.” I dropped a tear. I entered this trance like state after the energy in the room piled up, my physical body became indifferent to the environment around me, it’s hard to move my body with will. Now I think I became a ghost at the moment. When she played the one about her lover, she passed a microphone and asked everyone to speak a person’s name who has passed into the microphone. I thought of my aunt’s name loudly but didn’t get the chance to speak it into the microphone. My aunt passed away suddenly during my freshman year in high school. I stopped eating meat that same year. I never really made the connection. Death felt like a brick hit on my head and I didn’t know how to fix my broken skull. I keep on living thinking it must have healed itself, ignoring the distorted visual field and the sound I always hear in my brain.
Forgive me mother, I forgive you.
It was five years ago. Facebook still send me “celebrating __ years of friendship” with my aunt every year. I clicked into her profile and see people still comments on her wall over the years. I have become aware that everything I say and do on the internet will be a permanent tattoo of my ghost. It makes me feel uncomfortable but I still don’t know what to do about it.
Skin is the biggest part of the body.